Unanswered prayer brings unexpected blessings
by Julie Fedorchak
After two successful baby deliveries, my husband and I had the “All American” family – one girl and one boy. Since our house was tastefully accessorized with nursing pillows, puke rags and exer-saucers, we decided to pull the trigger on a third.
I secretly wanted another girl. Not just because women rock, or because girl clothes are impossibly cute, or even because I wanted to increase the odds of replacing myself as organizer of all things family.
All of these are compelling reasons for wanting a girl, but they were not my motivation. The singular source of my pink-colored prayers was my first daughter, Elizabeth. I desperately wanted her to have a sister.
As the youngest in a line of children, I am blessed with four amazing older sisters. These women protected, mentored and counseled me growing up. They housed me in their basement, used me shamelessly for free childcare and then readily returned the care when I needed it most as a hormonal new mom.
My sisters make me laugh and cry and are fountains of wisdom. We don’t talk every day or even every week, but they are like the moon, always there even when you can’t see it. I really can’t imagine how different my life would be without my sisters. Oh how I wanted that for my little girl.
Yet, when number three bellowed into this world, one look at the plumbing told us God had other plans. Elizabeth, Nathan: meet your brother Sam.
For the last 6 years, we’ve had a front row seat on brotherhood. I asked my husband if he ever wished he had a brother. “Of course,” he said quickly. When I asked why, I expected some deep insights into male relationships.
“Oh my gosh! Do you have any idea how many balls I threw up in the air and caught by myself,” he responded.
As simple as that sounds, being a goalie, receiver or pitching machine are among the chief functions of a brother. “Reliable sidekick” is one of the great roles of siblings, especially of the same sex. As soon as Sam could chase a ball, he and Nathan became a team.
They share everything – friends, favorite teams, a bedroom, a love for sports, and a fiercely competitive spirit. They aren’t conjoined, but for younger Sam, life would be just about perfect if they were.
They spend hours playing and making up games. Indoor hockey was a favorite this winter. Our couches were the nets, football helmets served as facemasks and baseball mitts functioned as goalie gloves.
On a recent trip to Central Market, they played a pickup game of hoops through the aisles with basketballs store managers foolishly displayed within reach of any child. “That’s what they get for having balls in the store,” I consoled myself while shopping in peace.
Last Sunday, Nate and Sam were uncharacteristically quiet in their room for a couple hours, then they suddenly tumbled into the living room wearing shorts and my husbands tube socks pulled up to their thighs. This was their new game – “long sock wrestling.”
That lasted about 3 minutes until Nathan, who outweighs Sam by about 50 percent, pushed him face-first into a wooden rocking chair. A brief cooling off period in their respective corners and the tussle was ancient history. The fighters came out conspiring over their next activity.
Siblings don’t universally relate. Even the Bible is filled with examples of toxic sibling rivalries – Cain and Able, Rachel and Leah, Joseph and his brothers. Family relationships gone sour can make for festering, painful wounds.
Unlike friends, we don’t get to choose our family. So to have a brother or sister who is also a friend is a real blessing.
“A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.” Sirach 6: 14:
It’s too early to tell if our boys will be best friends throughout life. They will likely have periods of closeness as well as distance. I’m very grateful they have each other, and Elizabeth too, always there, like the moon, even when they are invisible.
And … I’m still praying for pink!
Julie Fedorchak is a Bismarck writer. Reach her at jfedorchak@bis.midco.net.